Alexx Arson

Jul 07
Happy 4th

Happy 4th

Jul 06

So I come back to Fresno and I’m pissed but glad to be back in my room even without a bed I was still glad to sleep on MY floor, in MY apartment. I never really discussed how I felt about NC aborting the mission and heading back to Fresno but I figured what the hell? I’m back, I’m in my place whatever. Independence Day comes around and I have no clue what to do or where to go so I stay in and eat chips n dip and drink a 12 pack all by myself. I blast my music to have a one man party and then I bought a bottle of Amsterdam which took the night into a better domain. The next day I went to explore Fresno. I caught the bus downtown and took a few pictures, next I went to the barber shop, went to the movies, and then hit the mall to buy a new pair of chucks. It felt good to treat myself. I didn’t see the fireworks or anything like that I didn’t even buy fireworks. No bbq, no beaches, no parties just me and in the end its ok because I have me and only me. I know I’ll make new friends and all but at the time I appreciated my alone time. So MC was called to come back to Watsonville to work again and he asked me to come along. I hesitated of course but since I’m not working in Fresno yet I needed the money so I agreed to go along. I had no idea what to expect this time around but I didn’t care I’m doing this for me. It was only for a few days and we stayed at a motel and everything was paid for. Everything was fine until one day we just got into it. It started over something small but of course after that the levee broke and we had a great argument on our hands. We both were pounding beers before the beef so when I started I may have been a little too hype, a little too loud and MC said he “don’t wanna get into a yelling match with me” I denied I was yelling but maybe I was but my whole case was his attitude. He was being a dick for quite some time and I didn’t say anything for a while and now was the time to address it. We got into about rent, food, money, all kinds of dumb shit. My core problem is this I didn’t travel cross country on a bus to be here and kiss ya ass. I felt I wasn’t getting respect. Up until this point I kinda got tired of him and his high horse. I bust my ass everyday and not once has he given me credit, a thank you, keep up the good work, thanks for coming in, or anything like that. I brought that up and how I felt about him leaving me in Watsonville the last time. I was just giving him my perspective on things. After I said my piece I told him I’m not holding any grudges, or crucifying him I just needed him to know where I’m coming from and we shook hands and that was that. The last day of working in Watsonville we were riding back to Fresno he gave me a beer and said “thanks for coming out Alexx”.

Jun 23

The slough

Back in Watsonville to help out at the facility.
Jun 12

Out and about in Fresno.

Jun 07
The first few items we put in the freezer.

The first few items we put in the freezer.

Jun 03

New place. New bull.

Eating “Cup of Noodles”, watching Netflix on the laptop, and staying at a Travel Lodge for 3 or 4 days was ok. It was a step up after entering that shit hole over the weekend. MC and I got the apartment and it was a nice spot. Wooden floors, I have a small cozy room and its close to convenient and liquor stores close by. This is the first apartment I’ve had where I signed a lease and moved in on the same day. In the past I was either never on the lease and was paying rent month to month or I signed the lease and moved into someone else’s unit. MC and I moved in together and it was the first time I traveled to a new city with someone I always traveled alone. This place don’t allow parties at night I’m sure I can have guests over to day drink. Watch me work. I went up the street to buy a few things for the apartment and I entered a store run by Muslims and as I was in the aisle looking for paper towels the lady asked “are you buying something?” She didn’t ask if I needed help finding something, that would’ve been a great way to make your costumer feel welcomed but no. Then I had to show my ID to prove that I owned my debit card which honestly, rarely if ever happened to me before. I can remember only showing ID with my debit card at the bank. So I will never shop there again. I have to say it hurts to be viewed as an animal everywhere I go.

One night MC went to work and since I had the place to myself but can’t have parties and I don’t know anyone I decided to check the bar out thats up the street. Its called “Whiskey Dicks” and as,soon I came in I was greeted by a friendly bartender named Nate and he hooked me up with screwdrivers and was really cool. It was a welcoming place I will be a regular for sure. The next day I caught the bus not knowing where its going but its a way for me to learn the bus routes. As I’m riding around town I didn’t see anything interesting or fun to do or see at the time and I felt bored. I thought maybe Fresno won’t be the right place for me and I might not like it. Anyway, I decided to get off and walk through the Tower District, browsing through record stores. One record store in particular gave me the strongest case of deja vu. I had a dream one night that I was looking through records and I look up at the pictures on the wall and I look to my right to see the posters up high in the store. Well that dream came back to me as I was doing the same exact thing at that moment that’s when I knew I was here in Fresno for a reason and that I’m meant to be here. That made my day. Well now that I’m in Fresno this is a fresh start. I live in a great apartment with my best friend so I’m living comfortably but I’m not working yet. Its been going on 3 weeks and I’m working. I’m not complaining because I needed a break from work but I have nothing to do and I don’t know any of my neighbors yet. MC is working and was out of town for a few days so I decided to write music. I wrote four songs that day,the first was “Set The World On Fire”, three of them were at night with me laying on the living room carpet with the black light on. The black light illuminated MCs paintings on the wall and to add a little more mood I brought my candle out of my room, lit it, and wrote songs in front of the light of the candle. “Summer Luv”, “Situationship”, and “See Me 2nite”. I also sent out an ad looking for guitarists. I’ve been in California for almost three years and I never gotten pass meeting and jamming with musicians. Let’s see how my luck pans out here in Fresno. Even though it was Friday the 13th I got lucky. I met this girl online. Just thought I’d try my luck and see what would happen. We’ll call her Mary and she came over to my new apartment and we had a great time; hot and sweaty. She was a lot of fun. How about that? I’ve been in Fresno for two to three weeks and had a nice girl come through the door. I have to get this out but I’m so tired of people calling me Lenny Kravitz Wiz Khalifa and Jimi Hendrix. I’m not them I’m me. I don’t walk up to people and call them anything except their name because I treat people the way I want to be treated and that’s with respect. I have nothing against those artists but I feel as though that I heard enough and I lost my sense of humor about it and you will address me as Alexx. I’m also tired of silly questions about my hair. Its hair! No you can’t touch it! I don’t ask touch your hair because I don’t care to. I’m sure my hair makes me a target for ignorant people asking and saying stupid things to me but at this point I’ve had enough and I’m flipping out on anyone who shits something out their word hole. I’m not okay with your so called liberal mind but whole time you’re a racist, bigot, idiot. I’m also tired of white people who feel oh so comfortable with saying nigga around me. I’ve never dealt with that back east so coming to California and experiencing being called a nigger took me by surprise and for white people to say “wassup my nigga” like thats supposed to impress me really fuckin annoys me and I’m ready to explode. I don’t want to be an asshole or a dick but I’ve had enough. Its not a joke and its not funny to me at ALL. I’m getting annoyed with MC saying negative things about the apartment complex as if he thinks he’s too good to live here. He likes to call the place ghetto but as I look around I don’t see ghetto. I lived in the ghetto and this is not ghetto. Just because he sees blacks and Latinos I guess that makes it ghetto we’ll I think that’s a fucked up thing to say and I’m not going to sit and hear him talk trash about this place because 1) he’s rarely here. He’s either at work or with his fiance 2) you have no idea what ghetto is so his opinion should go up his ass. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. The other day he said “I’m surprised no one has tag graffiti around here. I guess no ones that creative.” I said “well you should be glad”. I know that if he saw graffiti around here where we live it would give him something else to talk about. He can’t say anything good about living in an apartment complex with other minorities. I’m not saying he’s racist or a bigot but I will say he’s an idiot and I’m gonna have straighten that shit out because I heard it one too many times “ghetto this” and “ghetto that” and its time I enlighten him. I grew up in a neighborhood full or drug dealers, helicopters flying around at night, the searchlight shining in my room waking me up at night, gun shots going off in the middle of the night, crackheads running around trying to steal for a fix, fights and all. I’ve seen it, I’ve been there and got out and came to sunny California moved in with a country bumpkin who loves Rap and Reggae, who Raps and freestyles but yet believes he’s too good for the “ghetto” and that’s my problem with him. Honestly, this place isn’t ghetto. Its nothing but beautiful families outside playing in the pool together, playing on the monkey bars together, no fights, no arguments, no gang activity, no ones rude or disrespectful (at least not to me), and at night I can sleep in peace because there’s no break ins, or robberies. When I was a kid my house was robbed. My parents were robbed at gun point while my brother and I were sound asleep. I used to live in a neighborhood where people never paid their gas and electric bill so they would tap into other neighbors electricity. My brother and I were in high school. We both heard someone on the roof in the middle of the night so we got up, I grabbed the bat, we went out into the backyard and we made those junkies got off of our roof stealing our electricity. MC doesn’t have to worry about that, he never did and probably never will. But I did. There were nights where I was worried if some dumb ass junkie was gonna start an electrical fire on my roof trying to steal my family’s electricity. Yes, Fresno has gangs, yes Fresno can be a tough place to be but where MC and I reside its peaceful. The hardest thing is feeling what I feel and I call up my family but with the time zones its hard to get in touch with them. I want to talk to them when my minutes are free after 9pm but its midnight over east so it can be tough. MC was called to return to Watsonville to help out at the facility for two weeks. I agreed to go along to help him out. We stayed at his friends house and during the first few days there I was still holding on to the stupid comment MC said about the place since the day we left for Watsonville. So for a few days I had that issue bottled up because for some reason I didn’t want to get into it while we’re in his friends house. I tried to bury it but I couldn’t. We still drank and smoked together but the awkward energy in the room was obvious. So one day I expressed my liking of the new apartment, pointing out the positives about the place. MC said nothing but a burp. I got that off of my chest, he heard me out, and now I’m good. But then MC decided to leave for the weekend with no intentions to return the following week for in Watsonville. I saw it as a dick move. We came here together to work and we were supposed to leave together and besides he was called to come back not me so I shouldn’t feel obligated to stay and work. Yes, I will get paid and speaking of which I was supposed to get paid on Thursday but I didn’t get my money until..I hate that it wasn’t my idea to come to work in Watsonville.I came to support my friend MC be there for him to lend a helping hand and for him to basically ditch me was a little messed up. He didn’t like how thongs turned out for him there. They messed up his check, mine too. He didn’t wanna be in Watsonville, me either. He has money to catch a bus back to Fresno, I don’t. He can leave at a drop of a hat but I can’t because I’m scheduled to work. It would be the same thing if I brought him to Baltimore with me then I catch a plane back to California by myself and leaving him behind. I’m gonna stop bitching because Ben lives near this beautiful slough near his house. When I’m buzzed I walk down by the slough and just mellow out. I sit and get stoned with Ben’s son Brock and watch him play video games on XBox 360. Ben had new roommates move in during the weekend I was staying there and they wanted to paint the house and sleep on the couch until the paint dries. I slept on the couch and Ben thought I was leaving when MC left so for a second, yeah, shit got awkward because I have no cash for a hotel or motel and I don’t know anyone I can stay with but Ben assured me everything will fine. When the roommates came I helped paint their room and helped them move some of their stuff into their new room. I got to know them a little bit and they’re my kind of people fun and down to Earth. I got along with everyone. Ben’s new roommates had cooked spaghetti one night and wanted Ben, Brock, and I to eat together at the table. Ben comes down to the table wearing a Rolling Stones Tshirt and wearing a leather jacket telling us that he’s wearing his dinner jacket. Before he sits down though he wants to tell us that he didn’t know how to be a good father or mother. He worked hard all of his life to provide for his son Brock who’s sitting next me and as stoned as I am and wondering where is this speech coming from? Ok, so we all dig in without saying grace because we felt that Ben wouldn’t want to so we begin eating spaghetti then after Ben sits at the head of the table he goes into saying grace. Everyone’s bowing their heads and chewing garlic bread. As spaghetti night progresses Brock gets up from the table and Ben gets on Brocks case about it “wait, you don’t get up from the table without saying excuse me.” I kept drinking out of my bottled water hoping it was beer. I even got up and went in the frige to look for a beer. I excused myself. All in all nothing crazy, wild, or out of line took place. It was a great night with great people. People I never really been around and just meeting and getting to know. Remember, MC knows Ben not me I only met him three times back when I was living with Norton. Ben and Brock have been very kind to me during my stay there and I had a great time there.
Jun 03

On the road again

May 31

My motel room after I moved to Fresno.

May 09
Made these cookies while I was volunteering at HSC for Mothers Day weekend. I thought of my mom when I made these.

Made these cookies while I was volunteering at HSC for Mothers Day weekend. I thought of my mom when I made these.

May 05

So Outta Here

So after the shitty night of wrestling with Norton and having the cops show up I believe I fractured my hand, after a week it had gotten swollen. It started with my ring finger feeling like it was jammed but its really swollen and I’m still at work working with both my hands, as I’m typing this my hand is swollen. I’m not proud of myself for attacking a 55 year old drunk man and I’m not proud that I played his game either. I knew his scheme and I tried to avoid him but in the end I allowed him to get that violent reaction out of me. It took me a couple days to get out of attack mode since I don’t fight often. I keep to myself, I mind my own business, and I treat people the way I want to be treated and thats with respect. So if lose my cool and fight then its definitely a case of me being driven hard to vet to that point but I don’t want drama or chaos I want peace and I want to focus on my music so drama and chaos with Norton can only bring damage to my dreams.

Speaking of dreams I want to move to LA for sure this time. I think I’m ready to give it a shot. MC invited me to come to Fresno I have to decline and go my own way and who knows I may get the ball rolling in LA and hit the music scene. I just know that I’ve been thinking of moving there, living the there, thriving there, and loving it there. I want to take the idea off of the back burner and finally make it my mission. Its time. So I talked to MC about finding a place in LA and I found out about the many buildings our company works for so I’ll be able work in LA. So MC told me I can still move with him to Fresno and work there while I stack up on money to make the trip to LA. I agreed. Norton had a yard sale. I was asleep when I heard him and his girlfriend come in. I stayed in my room to avoid any drama with him. I went back to sleep took a nice long nap. After I woke up I heard some banging around out there in the dinning room come to find out Norton sold everything except the kitchen sink. He officially moved out, his room was completely empty except the fuckin dust bunnies all over the room. For him to complain about other people leaving dishes in the sink and etc he wasn’t so clean himself. But anyway I got out of bed,got dressed, and walked out the front door past his guests and garage sale shoppers, past his girlfriend, and definitely walked passed him. I said hello to everyone but I had nothing else to say Norton and I never discussed the altercation we had that night. I caught the bus and spend the day in Santa Cruz I treated myself to a movie “Fading Gigolo” which was a pretty cool movie. As I was volunteering at HSC I found out that the kids at the shelter were decorating cookies for their mothers for Mothers Day. I went and decorated some cookies for my mom and even though I haven’t seen my mom and the rest of my family for over two years I still think about them everyday. I have no family here where I am so its hard for me to trust people around me because I always could talk to my family and I could trust them. I’m a very family loving guy. I’m started to let down the walls to let people in—not everyone but I’m working on my super heavy guard that I have up. Over the Mother’s Day weekend MC got engaged to his girlfriend in Fresno and while he was in Fresno proposing to her I was back at the house laughing my ass of watching American Wedding. When I logged into Facebook and saw the pic of the engagement ring on her finger I immediately texted him and told him “I’m planning ya muthafuckin Bachelor party”. So with the house now 78% empty I’m plotting to have a party. I always wanted to entertain guests at my place but none of my roommates ever gave me the space and time to do so. In the meantime my life has been work, writing songs, and volunteering. Work is difficult to deal with at times because I clean two ground facilities by myself. That’s not the difficult part: the difficult part is doing the same routine every day all day. Seeing the same building every day, walking around the building back and forth looking for spots to clean, dodging gossip and rumors, and wearing a uniform is just not my style. I’m grateful for my job but damn, it can be a bit much especially when you have clean up EVERYTHING and get very little respect. But hey, you can’t let that bother you right? Why let that keep you upset? So my morning ritual for the past month was a nice workout, pushups and lifting, then play some music and catch up on my favorite shows on Netflix before I got dressed and went to work. That’s what helped me get through the day by waking up and doing things I love, that made me feel better about going to work. I would have a much better attitude throughout the day and then I’d go home and stay up all night watching Netflix and drinking beer. The house is much more calm and relaxing without Norton around. MC and I get along just fine which is great for me because I have a living situation that’s comfortable. So here’s the situation: MC found an apartment in Fresno and I can stay there for about a year. We’re going to travel with a uhaul and/or his future in-laws. He doesn’t have enough pull yet to get me working at the facility in Fresno so I won’t be working right away. He has no problem paying the bills until I get a new job. Now, all of this sounds good but in the back of mind IRlll;m still not sure how this whole thing will play out because I always end up at odds with roommates and even though MC is my friend I still don’t know how things will be living in HIS home. But I have a plan which is use my final check from my job and spend on bartending school in Fresno. I’ll find a job as a bartender and save money to make my own moves. MC is all packed up he has more possessions than I do, all I have is the clothes on my back. Its crazy seeing the house get empty and seeing MCs stuff packed into totes at the front door. Here I go on the road again going places I have never been. This time is interesting because I wont be traveling alone or living alone. I hope living with MC will be a breath of fresh air as oppose to the same ol bs I’ve experienced in California so far. At work there was a potluck for me from my housekeeping/laundry coworkers. I have to say that the staff at this facility is much kinder and warmer towards me than the last facility. It took me a while to open up because of the crap I experienced at the previous job but once I felt the kindness from the nurses and CNAs and other staff I opened up a little. I’m sorry but my crazy ass have to keep my wild flirty side under wraps I have to be professional. When I woke up to get ready for my last day at work I went to turn the water on but no, it was off. Oh, Norton you just can’t help yourself. He had the water cut off and MC called him and said a few words to him and then the water was turned back on. So glad that I’m leaving that house and Watsonville. I’m gonna miss some friends at work but I’m gonna miss Tara a little more. Shes extremely busy with work and school so we didn’t hang out much but we talked and the more we talked the more I felt that I met the right girl but at the wrong time. Honestly, I hope we keep in touch, me and her. We finally moved out. Goodbye Watsonville and hello Fresno. But nothing in my journey is easy so of course there’s a bump in the road. MC didn’t hear back from the office of the apartment we were looking at. With no response from the office we had stack all of our stuff;well mostly all of MCs stuff and a few of my things(I travel light) into a storage unit. Then we found a motel to stay at for the weekend until we find a place. This motel is seedy and that would be giving them a compliment. As soon as I walked in the room reeked of cigarette smoke. The shower head is almost hanging off the wall, the tub is dirty, there;s spots on the wall, and God only knows how in the hell a hole ended up on the back of the bathroom door and why there’s a plastic bag to plug in the peephole or why there’s needles in the room. I’m uneasy about sleeping here for the fear of bed bugs. I started itching when I sat down. MC and his fiance were gonna head to a baseball game they had tickets but honestly I was slightly pissed because I was gonna be sitting in a shit hole by myself. But they came for me and I watched the Fresno Grizzlies take on the River Cats and it was a fun day even though we have no apartment yet. That night MC and I crashed at his fiances house. In the morning we cooked out and I enjoyed being around them they’re good people and they love MC so I’m happy. The next day MC and I checked out and told the fat guy with a Ed Hardy shirt on who looked like the cic book guy fro The Simpson’s how we felt about that filthy room…he wasn’t apologetic he just gave us a blank stare as we ran down a list of everything that was wrong with that room. Fresno is gonna be a crazy fun ride. Hot as hell but a fun ride.