I hate to start this story off with drama but here it goes. As time went on with me seeing Steph I felt this strange feeling that somethings fishy. I just couldn’t trust her. Straight up. I felt that she was either hiding something or lying about something so I kept my distance. We were supposed to go out one night but I backed out of it because I didn’t feel she was on the up & up.
So it was kinda awkward for us at work. I always told myself I wouldn’t get with a coworker but shit happens. But the reason why I didn’t want to hook up with coworkers is the fact that you see this person at work, during work, in the halls, in the break room, during lunch, at a dinner date, at the bars together, and then in your bedroom. Thats too much. So I avoided girls at work for the reason that I just wanna work here.
So Steph and I would see each other in the halls and we wouldn’t speak for while until one day she asked how I was doing and we made small talk at work. I hurt her feelings for cancelling the date but she wanted to remain friends. Thats fine but during our conversation in the hall at work she told me about her husband potentially working with the company that I work for…..husband. I knew sonething was up and there it is. She always refered to her husband as her “children’s father” she said NOTHING about having a husband.
After hearing this I definately kept my distanced. Could you imagine dating a girl at work then you find out shes bringing her husband to work in the same building with us? Thats some Jerry Springer shit. Weeks would go on with me keeping my texts short and my time unavailable until one day I just came out and texted her about this. She said her husband won’t be working with us and that they’re legally separated. My issue was why are you telling me now? Why didn’t you tell me this before? Then she tells me about her upcoming divorce but I also wanted to know why am I just finding THAT out? I just couldn’t deal with it. So I left her alone.
A few coworkers were on vacation which left would make us short staffed so my boss asked me to work for seven days. I took it. But theres just one huge problem. It was getting hotter outside and the air conditioner in the room was broken. I had to bike to work around 12pm when the sun is beaming down on me like its on my shoulder then I get to work and the AC doesn’t work. I did this for seven days straight! I do laundry for a living so once the dryers started pumping it really felt like hell. I would open a door that led to side of the building but all I did was let hot air inside. But hey, thats me if you need me I’m there. My boss needed me to fill in so I filled in…it just happened to be a hot ass week with no ac.
Work was unpredictable because you never knew who would pass away. I had a favorite resident. She was really kind and I would talk to her for a bit and get back to work. She was always nice to me so I was shocked when she died over the weekend. It was bizarre going in to clean her room and she wasn’t there anymore. Honestly, I felt a presence when I went in her room. I’ll never forget that kind lady.
Another wild moment was doing housekeeping, cleaning this lady’s room during the morning and by lunch shes in a body bag being rolled down the hall. Death is apart the experience of working at a nursing facility.
On a lighter note Al and smoke medical marijuana. The shit was fantastic. He would then tell me a story about how a drunk person would just wander into his house in the middle of the night and pass out on the couch thinking they were home. This would happen damn near every weekend. I couldn’t imagine waking up somewhere I didn’t recognized after a crazy wild night of drinking………….wait.
After seeing a show at Dex!
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I’ve known them for months. We all have a postive, fun loving, generous, & caring personality. Sitting on the roof on a summer night drinking Hennessy or just sitting in the living room eating pizza, smoking kush, and listening to music we all talk openly and support each other. The three of us are really close.
(side note: hydrocodone is gross. I felt like I was gonna puke the whole time I was on it. I guess thats karma for using JT’s pills behind his back)
So Steph and I are still chatting as friends and as friends only. I want us to stay that way. She wanted to hang out so I told her we can get a bite to eat at my favorite restaurant… “Jack’s”. She picked me up from home, we went to dinner, had a great time, she paid for dinner, and dropped me off back at my place. I couldn’t pay her back with anything…special if you know what I mean. I’m trying not to go there with a married woman so I had to come up with a lie so she wouldn’t spend the night. She took me to dinner, next time she should bring me flowers and candy.
A lot has changed in me since the new year and the summer. I believe in conspiracy theories, I’m studying anarchism, because of the NSA scandal I have deleted Facebook,Youtube, & Google accounts. I also canceled my bank account. I don’t trust and believe in banks anymore. I don’t make much. My money goes to rent, utilities, cell phone bill, and some overdraft or late fee from a bank so I end up broke and hungry. I feel homeless again but with my own room and apartment. I got rid of my bank account because I don’t have enough money to save. Getting paid bi-weekly makes it diificult to pay rent before the 5th after the 5th its a $50 late fee. So rent and a late fee on top of that. Everyone’s in my pocket.
But anyway a more calm, spiritual, and patient version of me has evolved and I’m enjoying my 2nd summer in Chico its going better than last year. Thank you, God!
So I heard from JT that his friend would like to takeover my lease in June. I was trying to find people on Craigslist to takeover my lease so I can move to Santa Cruz. So hearing from JT about his friend wanting to takeover my lease is good news. I talked to MC and told a potential date about moving in June and I told my boss at work that I’m moving in June. I also told my family that I’m moving as well and they were happy to hear that I’m moving to bigger and better things. But JT comes to me and tells me that his friend backed out and moved into a one bedroom apartment. At first I was pissed but then I realized that everything thats happened to me at this point happens for a reason so I said fuck it, don’t even trip over this situation. My lease ends in August but I wanted to move so I can spend my summer near the beach. But I’ve grown to be more patient than before so I can wait it out. I was at work one day and Steph wanted to know when do I take my lunch break. So after I told her my lunch break she picked me up at work and took me to lunch. We went to Carl’s Jr. I odered this Jim Beam BBQ sauced burger that was awesome. She took me to lunch and paid for it. She’s too kind. My buddy Matt invited me to come check out a dj named Atomic Kandy at his venue Dex. I came through and there were black lights, laser lights bouncing off of the walls, and awesome electro music. Atomic Kandy is an amazing dj. She gives out candy like Ring Pops for example along with beaded bracelets. I ended up chatting with some girl at the show and we left Dex to hit a bar, Duffy’s. We had like 2 drinks, hopped in a cab over to her place, and hooked up. The morning after I walked home but some people would call that the “walk of shame” but seriously I have no more shame left in my body. I had a great night. Every wednesday in town there’s “Buck Night” where drinks are only a buck and pitchers are $3. My coworkers and I hit this place up pretty often. I saw Jay there and I haven’t seen or talked to Jay since Feb. I couldn’t see a buddy in the same place as me and act like he’s not there. So I went over to him and talked for a minute. Everything was cool, we played catch up for a little bit and I went back to what I was doing. No bad blood here. After a drunk game of pool at the bar I order a pitcher with my debit card but the bar has a $5 minimum or something like that so they needed my id. I take my pitcher, play pool, abd enjoy the night. I was too distracted to pick me debit card up from the bartender before I left the bar. This would bite me in the ass when Brandon had his going away party. He was leaving after graduation to start his job in LA. Everyone’s leaving one by one. Anyway, we pregamed at a friends apartment by playing Flip Cup. The fun part about thid going away party was that we all had to get into teams and have a scavenger hunt. Each team had a card with funny drunk pics of Brandon on each of them. The cards had items that we had to eat or drink and things we had to do to win the scavenger hunt. Like go to Jack’s Restaurant and order the triple burger, call our favorite taxi driver and get him to smoke a joint with us, and talk to the oldest person at the bar. What makes this night hilarious is that each one of these things were things Brandon did every weekend. We even dressed up in clothes that Brandon wears to show our love. I had to wait for the bar to give me a time and date to pick up my id so I can hit the bars but in the meantime I’m a little annoyed that I can’t have a fun night with my boy Brandon before he leaves Chico. I’m walking around the block pissed feeling like a 16 year old that can’t hang out with the big kids. But my team went to Jacks Restaurant to order the triple burger. I don’t need an id for that so I met them over there. We were pretty hammered so we are all loud and foul mouthed as fuck. Imagine a group of 20 somethings in the back of a restaurant eating and loudly saying “fuck this” and “fuck that”. This is the norm for us at this place so no one bugs us. Brandon is a genius because his girlfriend told a story about one christmas where he jerked off into magazines and gave those magazines away to friends as a christmas gift. See? That genuis. Brandon has no team. This night was dedicated to him in his honor so he doesn’t have to find or do anything he doesn’t want to so he comes stumbling into the restaurant and orders his favorite dish the triple burger. After we sit and bullhit around in Jack’s we catch a cab and go our separate ways. Brandon’s a great friend he looked out for me when I had a shitty day at the beach, he even cleaned up my horrible puke that clogged his bathroom sink up. He never stopped calling me to come hang out or to just chill and watch a Sharks game, and he was one of two people to stop by my apartment when I first moved there. That will always be important to me. JT left for a couple of weeks so I had the apartment to myself. I sat and got high in my room sitting on my brown futon, watching “The Nightmare Before Christmas” eating nothing but scrambled eggs and fantasizing about having the greatest band in the world, touring and performing for hundreds of people. That was my reason for coming out west and it hasn’t happened. That band never happened. Was all this for nothing?? I accomplished nothing. I work my ass off everyday just to be broke eating scrambled eggs for dinner. Living from paycheck to paycheck sucks, especially bi-weekly. I just had a tough moment there. I had a deep thought of what I have to do to get to where I want to be. I always wanted to live in LA but I let people talk me out of it. I want to do something for me. Do what I want to do for me. Take control of my life and if I want to live in LA thats my choice and I’ll go for it. So at this point LA is on my mind heavily. Steph and I are coworkers so we see each other a lot at work and we see each other out of work. But we’ve been getting pretty close…too close. I started to feel a little claustrophobic, I felt like I had be something more for her, like a hero almost. She’s beeb through and she looked to me to be better than the others but I’m not better I’m just me and I fuck up too. So I felt a little pressure. I also didn’t want to go any further because I was moving away and didn’t want to get attached. I also have trust issues as well. How do I know I can trust her? How do I know that she’s not playing games? How do I know she’s not manipulatinh me? So much is swimming through my head about her and this situation. It was too much for me. We had a date set up and I canceled it. I told her what was on mind and left it alone. Of course things would get awkward at work but we never talked about for a couple weeks. One day it all had to be discussed…she did discuss it in the hallway for a moment but all in all we got it all out there for each through text throughout the work day. But what flipped me out was that she was married! Separated but still married. She never told me she was married. She refered to her husband only as her “childrens father”. This changes things for me because I can’t get down with a married woman. I smoke, I drink, I fornicate, masturbate, do drugs, and party. I’m no saint but I have to draw the line somewhere and being with a married woman is a line I won’t cross. Luckily we never hooked up before because if we did and I found out she was married that would be too much for me to handle. That crazy fucker Shawn and I had jammed together and created some music. Finally, I get back into jamming and creating music. Its what keeps me happy and alive. We drunk Jim Beam and bounced ideas off of each other and recorded some stuff while his wife sat on the couch and watched “Sex in the City” on blast because we were rockin out. I really needed that because thats what was missing in my life-creating music. I went to Dex and showed Matt my support. Its the summer and everyone’s out of town so some nights its not as crowded but I know in short amount of time his venue will rule this town. He has live music every night. You can’t fuck with that. But at some point I left Dex to go to “The Basement” where there was sake and dubstep. This dude Al was rollin off of moon rocks and I wanted to know if he could point in the right direction. So we were kickin it at basement having a blast. At some point everyone heads outside for a smoke break and we all just kick it in front of the place, smoking and laughing. Al and I went to his place to smoke some mary jane and his roommate Elle came out. She’s very sweet, spiritual brunette, who got out of bed to meet me. I like her already. Al and Elle’s hospitality for a stranger like me was awesome. We became fast friends just hittin the bong and talking about music til the sun came up.
Al invited me to come over again. Elle was cooking dinner and she invited some friends over as well. These two new people I just met have become really close to me its as if
The moon was full when I partied on shrooms. It was encouraging me to go hard.
Full Circle cont.
I have been trying to find mushrooms for a while and I had finally found someone to hook me up. So for Memorial Day weekend which was also the weekend I found out I was gonna be homeless last year so I had to celebrate my victory. I was on the streets last year for the summer this summer was helluva lot better. Also Brandon was graduating that weekend so I had to celebrate with him as well.
But first I needed to eat this 8th of shrooms. I ate a little just to see how I would handle it. I watched The Doors live at Hollywood Bowl and tripped out. I was loving it. Then I smoked some weed on top of that. Next, I decided to head out and party. I loved how all the colors of the leaves jumped out at me it was like I could see every detail of the trees from across the street. Drew picked me up downtown in this small car. Its four of us packed in thr pack of the car. As we were headed to this party. The Beatles “She’s So Heavy” came on the radio and we all sung along to with the radio. “I WANT YOUUUU…” It was like “Waynes World.” At the party I realized that Brandon’s house is only up the street so I walk up the street and rang the bell to see a sleepy Brandon calling it a night. I said “Bruh, theres a party down the street. How is it that I’m partying more than you on ya graduation weekend?” he didn’t care to join me.
I was eating a bowl of gummi bears soaked in vodka. I was eating them little colorful bears like popcorn and they were filled with vodka. Then I started up a game of Rage Cage where I did more drinking than stacking in Beer Pong I actually care to drink, not to win. For future reference don’t ask me to be on your team.
After trippin’ off of shrooms, smoking weed, drinking beers, and eating gummi bears filled with vodka it was no wonder I was late for work the next day. I wasn’t even hungover at work but at work there was a stomach virus floating around and tried desperately to not catch it. Now, this may sound like bullshit to you but this party lifestyle shit really went down and my body can go pretty far with drugs and alcohol but I promised myself to stay away from hard drugs (heroin, crack, & meth) everything else is fair game.
That night after work I had a girl come over, Steph. We sat and watched like 2 movies and talked. After that we started fooling around on the couch. It didn’t go any further which is actually cool with me. As long as I get a girl off with or without my penis I am fine. This case it was without. Her leg was shaking as she tried to find her underwear on the floor. She got dressed and I walked her to her truck. Around 1:30am I’m feeling a bit of a tightness in my stomach and I feel nauseous as hell. Fuck…I caught the stomach virus. I was puking, shitting, sweating, and bundling up under the covers. I called in sick and was out of work for 2 days. But honestly, what helped me get a speedy recovery was my leftover shrooms and weed. That was my psychedelic remedy. The month of May was wild. I sat and thought “wow, what you have today you worked very hard for” and I felt as though I came full circle. I was preparing to move to Santa Cruz in June. JT’s buddy was ready to takeover my lease and I was ready to start a new chapter in my life. May showed me all the things I was thankful for, an apartment, a job, and great people around me.
I started the month off with smoking weed and drinking ZZZquil. I bought the ZZZquil from a nearby store and it was very relaxing and a bit trippy. I saw small black spiders crawl up from under my carpet. Thats when I knew the shit kicked in. I started out with a small bottle just to play it safe then I gulped the whole bottle and smoked some more. Insane, stupid, idiotic yes indeed. I can’t disagree with ya but don’t judge me, dammit.
My damn bike broke and I hated that I had to walk to work again and its May so its getting warmer and I’m getting a little too much sun on my skin. I was getting tanned in early May.My buddy Brent invited me to a party at his place and it was like a mini mansion. Huge lawn with a rock fence, a nice size pool, hot tub and a loft.On my way to the party I had a little trouble finding the place and I end up being followed by s stray pitbull which is an uncomfortable feeling. i got a little nervous about this stray pit behind so i hopped into someones yard just to get away. As I’m stomping around junk in this yard I see a guy riding his bike down the street. I ask for directions and I find out that I’m close by. I arrive to brent’s house and they are out of beer. the keg is dead. So I go along on a liquor run and I get a bottle of Amsterdam and chaser. We head back to the party and the guys are trying to set the music up so we can rage but they’re having technical difficulties so for a while we had no music.
I go out back to socialize by the pool. After a while I head back in and find out that Brent is being arrested. What the fuck?! I couldn’t believe it. We had no loud music playing, the party was tame and wasn’t getting out of control so what the hell is Brent getting locked up for? Well the night before was a bit noisy so the neighbors weren’t interested in part 2 of a crazy party so they called the cops. He was a little drunk and was trying to reason with them but they were just being dicks and arrested him. I pissed because I don’t like cops so I was ready to go to jail too. I was like ” NAW FUCK DAT! TAKE ME TOO THEN!” His friends were like “chill. chill. chill” and I thought yeah chill because who the fuck is gonna bail me out?
The cops threatened to come back and arrest anyone who wasn’t a resident so of course the party was over. I ended up going up the street with some people to a guys house named Drew. I still had my bottle of gin with me.He had a piano, violin, and guitar there in the living room. A few us drank some more as I sat at the piano trying to learn a thing a two. Drew and his girlfriend let me crash on the pullout couch. I woke the next day which was Mothers Day and I poured my bottle of gin into an empty Gatorade bottle and pinched some weed off of Drew. I’m sure he didn’t mind. I walked home eating Lays chips, with gin in a Gatorade bottle and weed in my pocket, calling up my mom, and grandmothers; wishing them a happy Mother’s Day.
My buddy Matt had a few friends over at his venue Dex for his birthday. The dj Mike Justice killed it with the dubstep. He wore us out, his beats were sick as hell. After his set I ended up meeting up with Brent at this party he told me about. This was the best party I’ve been too in a while. The who apartment complex got together to through the party. There was a keg which was $2 a cup, $5 for two cups. Bullshit! Are you fuckin serious? I would’ve went to the bars for what its worth but anyway I went to Ray’s liquors and bought a brew. The party was live, the entire quad was filled with hot girls in short shorts and skirts. The party had so many dj’s that they were arguing over who was gonna play next. The dj was spinning on the 1s n 2s on the upstairs balcony which made you feel that you were at an outdoor club. Brent knew someone that live at the apartments